**This post has been certified sarcasm free for your enjoyment.
*** Not really. I don't think I'm capable.
OK, I feel bad for complaining about pregnancy constantly, even if it IS the scourge of my existance. It occurs to me that these next few months may be the last time I'm pregnant for the rest of my life, in which case I'll never get to experience the thrill of incubating a new human life ever again. Other than inspiring me to write a sonnet, go frolicking in a field somewhere and start a maternity clothing bonfire, that thought does make me just a teeny, tiny bit sad. Here are a few of the things I actually do enjoy about being pregnant.
#1: Having my legs shaved for me in the third trimester by my husband. Yes, he does.
#2: Feeling those little flutters and bumps in the night develop into actual baby parts. As in, oops, there's a foot. And I think that might be a shoulder blade or a...butt.
#3: My doctor. He's adorable and we love him. He sings to Sofia, banters in Spanish with Hugo and comes up to me in the hallways at the hospital to rub my belly whenever he sees me.
#4: My belly. Yes, I said my belly. The thing is, it may be extremely rotund right now, but pregnancy is when its at its firmest, believe it or not. A pregnant belly is very different from just a flabby belly.
#5: Taking three hour naps every day and not even having to feel lazy for doing it. I'm really lucky because I have an extremely adaptable 1 year old who has adjusted to my nap schedule quite nicely. She used to take two shorter naps a day and now she lays down with me every day at 11, right after Sesame Street is over, and we don't stir until 2 or so.
#6: Eating. Whatever I want. Whenever I want. I'm very lucky that I haven't had any trouble with pregnancy related diabetes or anything like that. I eat a diet consisting mainly of carbohydrates and fats and the baby seems to be thriving on that. I must have a pancreas and gallbladder made of steel...
#7: For every person out there who has said something unkind, unthoughtful and/or just plain stupid, there are several people who have been supportive and nice to me. I just don't remember what they say as well as I remember the "zingers" thrown at me by the morons. Human nature I suppose.
#8: No pimples. I haven't had a breakout since before I got pregnant. I don't know why, but my face likes being pregnant.
#9: Cinnamon Sugar soft pretzels from Aunty Anne's at the mall. I'm very fortunate to have them in my life.
#10: Maternity leave. I'll get to spend 3 months changing my babies' diapers, cleaning up their messes, feeding them, and pushing them around in strollers instead of doing all those things for my patients. With a little luck, there'll be no enemas. Although everyone who knows me knows there's nothing I enjoy more than a good enema. For my patients, not for me.
#11: I could round this out by saying something like, being treated like a princess by my wonderful Hugo, but let's face it. He's always treated me like a princess and pregnancy is no exception. He tolerates with good nature the 325 dollar electric bill (have I mentioned that my internal thermostat is set on "furnace" and its frickin hot in Florida?), my inability to perform routine hygiene activities (like shaving my own legs), my constant lamentations over stretch marks and weight gain, my middle of the night screechings when I wake up to a wicked Charley Horse in my calf, and my fluctuating ability to provide meals on a regular basis when he gets home from work. Pregnancy is no picnic for him either, but now that he's seen what it results in (Sofia) he's hooked. In fact, he mentioned yesterday something about wanting at least 4 more. At which point I laughed hysterically and advised him to start looking for a surrogate. I hear Octomom's available.