Monday, December 29, 2008

Sensible Tips for Daily Living

If you're having marital problems and your husband was recently arrested for domestic violence and he suggests a nice Christmas-time cruise off the coast of Mexico, you might want to develop a sudden case of seasickness and stay in your cabin the whole time, or better yet, not go at all. At the very least, stay away from the rails.

If you are manning the "crime watch" line and a local utility worker calls in, 3 times, to report a suspicious plastic bag less than a mile away from the house where a child has gone missing and is suspected to have been murdered, you might want to check it out.

If you are 22 years old and find yourself strangely attracted to an ancient and totally unattractive former police officer who is suspected of killing not one but two of his former spouses, you might want to just go ahead and kill yourself right now rather than marrying him and becoming his 5th victim, er, wife.

If you are the already wealthy and influential governor of the state of Illinois and you already suspect that you may be under investigation and surveillance for corruption, you might not want to blatantly and un-intelligently try to sell the president-elect's Senate seat to the highest bidder right under federal investigators' noses.

If you are an insanely rich and extremely smart investment banker who has a succesful investment business that makes billions of dollars legally, you might not want to set up an illegal ponzi scheme on the side that will lose money, cause friends and business associates to kill themselves, get yourself sent to jail, and exacerbate an already ailing economy on the brink of collapse.

I'm just sayin'...

3 comments:

Val said...

Deep thoughts.. by Lauren.

Lauren Ochoa said...

Jack Handy called...he wants his deep thoughts back

Rene' said...

Someones been watching msnbc.....