Tuesday, October 28, 2008

My Favorite Shows

Thought for the day...
Like many well-paid actors and actresses, I happen to have a fairly elevated opinion of myself. Its just that I am right to have such an elevated opinion of myself and many famous people are just, well, stupid. I am smart and interesting and well-informed and if anyone did know who I was, your damn right I would be famous. That's right. But in the world of nursing, when baby gets put in a corner, baby is usually a new mom who doesn't want to put her kid in daycare, and the corner is usually a spot on the night shift. Weekend night shift. How am I supposed to become famous on the night shift?
I was at Kohl's last week and I found an Dirty Dancing Christmas tree ornament, which was a plastic figurine of Johnny doing the lift pose with Baby in her pink dress. Hilarious. I almost bought it for my sister Val, she so would have enjoyed it. However, it was priced at 16 dollars and I was like, just how far are you willing to go for a joke, Lauren? 16 dollars? That's like, 2 lattes at Starbucks. Sorry Val. The lattes won.
And by the way, if I had to describe my philosophy of life in 5 words, it would be
1. scattered
2. hopeful
3. unsure
4. interested
5. curious
Every time I am working the night shift and the 97% of Republican night shift nurses I work with start to get to me, I retreat into my own dark little corner of Keithiness. By that, of course, I mean that I go into my comatose ventilator-dependant patient's room and turn on MSNBC, which replays Keith Olberman's show several times throughout the night. If any of my comatose patients ever wake up (haha, they never do that) and say that they saw God while they were in there, and they describe him as being passionately Democrat with predominantly gray hair and a penchant for purple ties and talking smack about George Bush, we'll all know why. Or will we?...
My other favorite show is Suze Ormond. She is a financial wiz who talks about retirement, dealing with debt, investing, work, and purchasing stuff. She has a great segment called, "Can I afford it?" which I wish I could download into, like, my head. That way, whenever I wanted to buy something, I would be like, Can I afford it Suze? And she would say, "How much do you owe on your house? Is your student loan paid off? How many car payments do you and your husband have? And then she would say no. I used to watch Suze every Saturday night on CNBC at 9 PM, or later on at midnight if I didn't make the earlier show. However, now that I work weekends and for some reason, tend to be very busy during those times and unble to sneak into my comatose patients' rooms to watch it, I feel a deep echoing void in my life. Suze, someday, Sofia will be able to go to daycare and I will be able to come back to the land of the living. Then we can be together again. Now don't you go gettin' canceled on me, ya hear? She always ends her show by saying, "Remember...People first, then money, then things. Now you stay safe."
And that's it. Those two shows are the sum total of my favorite things to watch. No Survivor, no ER, not even Gray's Anatomy. God I hate that show. I watched it for two seasons and then I was like, wait a second. Is this General Hospital at night? Are there any other possible cheesy variations on the "Dr. McDreamy" theme? Can that girl get any skinnier? I bought some Gray's Anatomy scrubs last time I went scrub shopping. When I wear them I always worry that some sexy doctor is going to come along and we're going to fall in love and then have tribulations. And I don't want that to happen because I'm really quite happy with Hugo. He's so untribulationy. Come to think of it, I'm probably pretty safe. Ever notice on shows like Gray's Anatomy that the nurses are relegated to side characters and unimportant extras? I have news for you. The nurses are the HEART and SOUL of the hospital. We do 98% of the work that those shows are always showing the doctors doing. Why are doctors so interesting to the layperson and nurses, not so much? Alas, I fear that this will have to be a question for another day. Now you stay safe...


Val said...

Clearly Suze was in your head when you were looking at the Dirty Dancing ornament.

Also, it's about effing time you updated this thing.

Anonymous said...

Well, I was thinking that maybe Suzie would approve if you looked after the holidays and bought the ornament at maybe 50 or 75 % off!hahaha! guess who?